Sometimes everything just slips away and nothing is left.

The story edits of Luckshill Riders book 1 are very slow – I am finding it hard to work on such an old MS that was written in a style, and with a structure, that I have evolved from in later books. This is taking a great deal of original thought, and re thinking, than I expected.

At the moment we are also dealing with moving back into the house – well, as best we can, and only to a certain extent, as living with someone with Dementia is not easy for anyone involved. For us this means curtains and furniture and looking at the blank  white space, on a house scale, and having to create  something for everyone concerned – we have never had the opportunity to do this before and it is proving harder than I ever thought – if I ever thought about it – so last week passed in a whirl of curtains and furniture.

This week we have hit problems with our Broad Band’s lack of capacity and the requirements of a new TV and an ancient Sky box  – and simultaneously – the failure of my D Link to 27 and an iPhone up date – changing the Hot Spots stability too – who can function now without the Internet?

I feel that my writing cave is made of actual rock and am happy to daub on the stone with mud and whilst Stig of The Dump is probably the very first book I read, and re read, alone as a kid; living like Stig is not going to help me with Indie publishing. The cartoon of me in my head at the moment is a run away railway hand-pump-cart with me clinging to the brakes…

I listened to Paul Teagues Pod Cast just now – and he is hanging up hi mic for a while – he is also to be 55 in the near future and had set specific goals around that – and more than met those. I am pleased for him and will miss his PC on Sat ams; and it is another reminder that I feel I am falling behind those who where just slightly ahead on the road when I started this – now I am a long way behind – and seem to know less the father I go.

Am I going to be able to publish 2020? It is looking doubtful – I have not met my editing targets at all. Life and Death have been teaching me hard lessons and leaving me aware that things, and more over – people – who I neglected because ‘there was always tomorrow’ or ‘they were always there’ – so after the books were done etc etc I could catch up with are on their own life paths with their own endings. I find my self at 54 and 11 months un fit, between house and 27 and isolated in part by my Mum’s predicament and partly due to my life choices with the writing and partly due to me taking people for granted and now finding that the are dead and gone.

The years has had high spots – I finished October Mornings and I rode Rufus and Flax but it has had some very low points which I don’t feel I have recovered from entirely. I don’t think anyone reads this stuff any way – and until I get something to sell why would any one read it? I plug on because that’s what I have been encouraged to do but I feel the wave I rode in on has dissipated, leaving me face down, and the energy I had is soaking into the sand.

The house and garden and farm are also still WIPs – the politics of the times and the dire BREXIT situation are so depressing I find them hard to ignore – and at the same time I don’t want to ignore any situation that calls me a traitor for exercising my democratic vote in a legal referendum. I voted to stay just in case you are in any doubt. Now, I don’t care if we stay or go just as long as we all stop wasting our time and money on it and get back to what matters – Health and Social Svs’.

So, no Blog up dates and no editing last week and we will see what this week brings  – there is no plan – which is more by the seat of my pants than I am comfortable with and likely not to produce progress on the project in any tangible way.