Have been reading the newest layers of Hacked Apart first draft and marking up areas where more layers are needed and stabilising the facts of the beginning of the story – and I still like the story LOL. I mark them Continue reading
Have been reading the newest layers of Hacked Apart first draft and marking up areas where more layers are needed and stabilising the facts of the beginning of the story – and I still like the story LOL. I mark them Continue reading
Has been fun – sometimes that has only been apparent when I am telling the tale after I get home 🙂 But mostly it has been FUN 🙂
I am SO over caring what people think if I want to get off and walk or to stand and look at the view. I just know that if I turn up every day and do something with the boys then – after the 2 – Buddy and 3 years – Rufus and Flax – that we will all get out there again.
I am aware we have edges that life has given us in that time and I try to stay close to the edge but not take us over for too long.
AS EVER, the view between the horse’s ears is best when it contains equal sky and ground – variants on the proportions viewable can mean that you are about to kiss your – or it’s – backside goodbye.
Still, it is good to have a Riding Week update at last 🙂
Only on day two of that – struggling a bit with the slow progress I am making – was reminded it is three years since I was on a friend’s fishing boat when researching a Viking Time Shifty YA I had the hots for – hasn’t made it off the note pad as I directed my focus at my most finished stories and designing this site etc – THREE YEARS? Still none of the work is done – yet I work most week days way longer than 8 hour days, don’t garden, sold my sheep, gave up off farm contracting, and rarely ride my horses and the physical strength , fitness and health is disappearing… will it be THIS year? No earliest I can get HO out there/ up here is next Spring and The Quest series could start going out the following Autumn and that is if we get the house rebuild finished and I don’t stop working at the rate I am – beggars the question why? Why am I doing this?
I look back and I can see how far I have come since I doodled to stop my self going nuts here alone on the farm, I can see where I got my focus and went for it – but now it feels as if those goal posts are moving – I move faster, work longer hours, have started talking a different language than my friends and family and my previous life is ‘another land’ – on another planet.
So wondering if I live my life in an alternative universe now ? No I am not wondering – I KNOW I do. 🙂
So do I know why I do this? No I just do it is overwhelming – I just do it.
If it is overwhelming why do I keep doing it? I don’t seem to able able to stop.
Proving a point? Not so much – no one says to my face that they think I can’t do it – though I debate the opportunity cost of spending my life on this suddenly rather narrow, stony goat track- just to see what is on the other side of the mountain range of my imagination – I don’t doubt that one day a finished book or more will be able to be down loaded from this site and others – free or For Sale.
It’s the ‘one day’ bit that could do with being ‘that day’ ‘this day’ ‘today’ – can only re make date and aim for it baring in mind that I don’t want to miss my life staring at a screen and that S..t Happens. 🙂
I am lucky to have only such small problems and really ‘this Old Goat is not for turning’ so I will pick my way onward while I still can. 🙂 When I can’t then I will do something else.:)
Scrivener is going mobile – Yippee!
Drew out a WIP/Body Of Work/ Catalogue Of Work To Do to try to give my self an overview of My Big Plan So Far…
When I looked at what I have already written – some finished first draft and some a few ideas and a rough plot but something tangible on each I cheered up as I am in the learning phase now – what takes me a long time now will speed up and each achievement will in it’s self teach and enrich the next – also in having a Big Plan – WHEN I get the first thing live and flapping – I can let it go and move to the next and can hope to avoid the dreaded ‘Now what?’
Scrivener App arrived – and that mean’t an opp to re try Dragon – which I have rechristened Nuisance Software Dragon Elsewhere. I am not complaining – I can’t imagine the hours that go into making soft wares like these that folk are screaming for – in my case my Dorset accent provides more than a few howls and howlers – Oooo and Arrrr 🙂
It has been a difficult week for all of us.
Bizarrely last Wednesday I decided to rectify that mistake I made when I set up the blogs and website so last Thur pm – to Friday spent most of the time on the phone to Blue Host in USA. Just as well really – it took my mind off everything else – or gave me something else stressful to do so got it all over in one go – well on the web site front anyway.
I have FINALLY sorted out the extra accounts so reducing my costs by 2/3! Or saved £400-£600 /year – so the whole lot costs now about £110/year.
I then used the continuing turmoil around me to work out how to use and sync one of the calendar /time management app/programs I use – I discovered a few ‘husks’ of diaries etc were confounding each other and me so I spent most of weekend unpicking the information and setting up one ‘cross platform’ and ‘cross equipment’ system that avoids the need for me to be a ‘Cross Writer’.
I HAD to get on with the re write this week as we have ground work to do on the house next week but what I thought were four clear days this week – are is today ( Tues) – as the rest have 8am-5pm power cuts planned by Electricity Co. A fact I had missed inserting in my posh new shiny schedule….:)
Which is partially why I persevered with the calendar stuff so I could remove the Jan 2016 goals and replace them with new ones in light of having completed Holly’s How To Revise Your Novel Course with Hacked Off and made the decision -based on the small amount of time I actually spent working on the printed out MS in the course – not to continue with the seeming never ending type up of both Q3 and Q4 it isn’t worth two years of my life to type up something that is likely to need a heavy re draft. Q1 and Q2 are typed and all new stuff is also typed to Scrivener and Word – so it IS only those two MS that are lagging and at the moment publication of either is way off – I would rather write new stuff TBH in the allocated type up time as I have a back log of ideas in my head and in notebooks 🙂 🙂
Been listening to Joanna Penn Podcasts and watching them on UTube plus a live FB Q and A she did at the weekend – her latest book The Writer’s Mindset is great I have the audio playing at the moment.
I worked on the Re Write of Hacked Off – despite having no power – and am now up to Chapter Three of the main story and I am pleased with that –
For who knows what reason I am engaging in this today of all days and it is as chaotic as the rest of life around me – I may cancel the lot and get my money back Blue Host are impossible to deal with from the UK given the time differences and the gap between their operators and my knowledge level – the next week will tell so this may be my ‘last post.’ 🙂
I learnt this the hard way – at 23 I thought I was facing loneliness when I took over this farm – in fact it was ‘aloneness’ I was facing.
Confidence to be alone in the crowd and not panic. Confidence to be physically alone and to engage with solitude. Confidence to move through life ‘doing your own thing’ whilst avoiding ‘selfish self absorption’ is trickier as we seem intrinsically as a species to favour crowds, togetherness and families – I guess because it is indicative of survival of the species often the worst thing in the world seems to be getting the label of ‘loner’.
It is a cliche but we ARE all alone – but in my experience we will all rather call it loneliness and often blame ourselves or our situation for it…
My experience of being situationally alone on this farm a great deal has shown me that to get the most out of being alone you need to make the effort to find out why you are there – ‘lonely’ misery can make you forget – and why you are there – after all we rarely have to be anywhere but for choosing to stay – and if we choose to stay we do so because we get something out of our situation either positively or passively.
These are often hard thoughts to have with yourself.
I embraced being alone here on the farm many years ago now – in fact I struggle now I am not alone – what I wasn’t expecting – was to feel occupationally alone. In my case these two thoughts are linked – one way I dealt with being physically alone was to write first journals of the farm and then stories and now novels and blogs.
Now that my mum lives here and my husband is not away so often I am rarely physically alone – and I freely admit it is hard sometimes and I resort to headphones and closing the doors – what is challenging that in farming I am surrounded by farming neighbours but in writing that isn’t the case so although I haven’t physically moved I am once more alone.
I feel occupationally alone – so I have had to ask my self why am I HERE doing this? Why? I had to remind my self – and keep on doing so – of the interconnectedness of the two – from the one came the other…
I learned to reach out and join in on line – I have not yet found a writing group in my area close enough that I could join – but I remain open to that possibility – I use Write Words who are a brilliant bunch of writers for support and mutual critique and I use Holly Lisle for training, course work and ongoing support. I use Michael Hyatt’s Platform U as he is so technically interesting and incredibly generous with his time and free stuff, Darren Rowse and Jeff Goins ditto re blogging, periscoping and all that jazz – I still have to face the day as the only writer in the household and I have found Brendon Brushard’s free material very helpful to remind me ‘it isn’t what I do it is how I show up’.
The point is that none of this found me – in dealing with being physically alone I had to get to a place where I engaged with it – and sometimes lean over the hedge to chat to the neighbour and ask for help – or offer it – and in being occupationally alone I have to go out on line and find like minded folk who help and continue to inspire me.
None of this makes me a better person and easier to live with – it isn’t a personality transplant – but it does give me some kind of chance of seeing my creative dreams through to fruition so I don’t become the sole survivor of my own good idea – which would be lonely.
So square peg round hole?
Why are you doing this? What are you getting out of it? If you don’t like the answer – do something else.
As it turned out to be me this time.
– My HUGE thanks to Julie and her brownies and coffee and her patience for listening to my overstuffed life induced anxiety suddenly pouring out on a visit to see how SHE was getting on. Blush.
Dreams or no dreams sometimes the best thing to do is admit there is something you can’t deal with – before the horse has to deal with it and you.
In my case stepping away from my horses and my muddy handling area just to see Julie’s three – and you know what? Just standing next to hers in the field hand feeding them really helped as the pressure went – they weren’t mine or my responsibility – I was just saying ‘Hello’ – Aroma Therapy or Scratch and Sniff? Not sure. BUT –
I was in the right place at the right time – we always are, we just don’t recognise it – now IS the time to take that action.
‘Student is ready teacher appears’ as they say.
Farrier due tomorrow and he is removing Bud’s remaining three shoes – which means I won’t worry that while they are in the silage grounds they will leave UXB’s for the tractor tyres – and also it will be a pressure off me – the weather is too rotten to do anything other than general day care and handling and this way I won’t be putting pressure on my self to rush out and ride before I feel he and I have some kind of connection.
By reaching out I found some peace and reassurance that stepping back was the right thing to do in order to move forward – and I enjoyed some great brownies too.
All snakes and no ladders me thinks. Looks like husband will be home for a week or three – or four – DIY, dentists and knee ops – if it goes to 5 or 6 I am sure we will have got used to each other again.
Has consisted – so far – of Panic Stations and Much Grumbling about not being able to ‘get on with my revision’ SOON – while wasting a perfectly good week NOW to do so.
I read a lot of self help, motivational and ‘productivity’ stuff – mind you I will read a cornflake packet – and I try to be ‘mindful’ ‘disciplined’ and ‘productively self motivated’ – well it all comes down to diddly squat when my few days ‘as alone as it gets now’ are threatened…
Thanks to the house being in ‘recovery’ from ‘surgery’ bits of it are warm, dry and writer friendly – ie the door shuts and it has power. So today I spent the day cleaning old white picnic tables and lugging them up the stairs and reassembling them so that the MS and course work can be left spread out and husband can then enjoy peace and quiet doing the decorating etc and I can pick up where I left off without paint splatters – it may not proceed as smoothly as it was (! OK it wasn’t ever) but proceed it will.
I am writing this Wed and have have already had a plateful!
BUT – it isn’t HOW you proceed it is how you show up to deal with it – I never leave home without a tin hat, tissues and chocolate and a large note book and several pens and some baling string.
Sitting around being mindful is one thing but DO something as well or you won’t feel good and you won’t help yourself or anyone else…
I have also had fun and games this week with automated email for an account with a big site and their lack of support over weekends etc AGAIN!
It doesn’t matter how big you get if your customer service is shut and your customer is in a different time zone ie has been up 6 hours already – but your auto emails keep giving your customer headaches – they will leave.
Belated patronizing smiles and saying you have ‘world class’ support when the facts say otherwise also lower opinion – better to wince and grin and admit you got it wrong than make the hapless customer – I mean follower – feel small and bad. Automation is like everything else in life ‘crap input then crap output.’
I am getting fond of the expression ‘I am outside your core demographic’ – it seems to worry folk. Personally I am not proud – if I am lost I will follow anyone UNTIL they take me the wrong way then they find out PDQ I like sheep but I am not one.
Buddy and I went hunting – we jumped some recognisable and awkward handmade gates apparently on our local estate – even a couple on top of big long grass slopes which bore some resemblance to the real place.
The hunt was all around us – I let Buddy go and trusted him to stay upright – and we did – I wasn’t bothered and I was laughing – and then the hunt were in a deep river and that is when I knew I was in a dream and I woke up – laughing.
I ‘had a go’ at drowning once as a teen – many years ago – and was saved by a teenage friend – never liked water after that and if there was ever going to be a night mare – there was water in it!
Our relationship took a hammering when he ran off back in the Autumn – but I was more annoyed with myself than fearful- and then due to him having trouble staying upright he has had various minor leg injuries which have meant lots of vet visits and other handling that has been uncomfortable for him and tricky for me and I have become aware of that nervous sensation around my edges making me jumpy when I would be relaxed…
– Buddy upright and jumping tricky things, out in company and me laughing and loving it – well ‘That’s nice!’
If ever there IS a river involved I am SO out of there! Nasty, wet, cold – no place for a horse – OR ME – even in a perfectly inspiring dream! 🙂
Of COURSE I am NOT superstitious. Am I?
If I had a mind too and I don’t.
The long awaited Broad Band and land line phone were finally set up by BT and so we got our WiFi back at the exact same moment as my new Lap Top declared it’s hard drive had died.
It hadn’t – but that needed several trips to the shop to find that out, meanwhile it was obvious that while the iPhone 6 has been a God send this last few weeks – nothing has backed up via the Warm Patch – all the machinery needed to back up and catch up many weeks worth and I think I made our own Black Hole over Dorset in the Internet.
It also made me see how vulnerable Scrivener projects are between older machines and operating systems and new machines and soft ware and the fact that some back up suggestions I had followed only backed up partially which meant had my hard drive had to be replaced I would have been in the mire…
I signed up for One Drive but realised Scrivener didn’t travel well to it so I cancelled that and enlarged my Drop Box facility for a year aprox £106 and if I make a new folder and copy a scriv. project to it and then drag that to the Drop Box it travels just fine – can’t open it on the iPhone as Scrivener isn’t fully mobile – yet.
I have done all I can do right now – given husband home with bad tooth and bad knee and house project hitting frustration it has been a tricky week to keep spirits up.
I have a feeling next week will be all but impossible to maintain my blog schedule – I see Brendan Brushard is partnering with Oprah with a motivational product and that Geoff Goins may be doing his Intentional Blogging course again – I feel I need some ‘Oomph’ in the back ground while I paint the house – I might give them both a go…
I have been typing when I can I still want to finish the current WIP type up quickly as Holly Lisle is firing up to launch her brilliant course How To Revise Your Novel on 8th Dec and I am looking forward to rejoining the group there and seeing new faces galore.
So it WOULD have been a good week to give up – but I am NOT going to – I’l just go on slowly and keep scanning the horizon as I inch towards the destination.
What ever it is that YOU are struggling with – keep going slowly- you can only fail if you stop.
I got on with some typing up of the YA series – it was a bit awkward in 27 as I prefer to stand and type and generally it is easier in here if everyone sits still but I managed 2000 and my time management tool Rescue Time told me I had hit my 2 hour goal in my 8 hour day – which I was pleased with as I don’t type fast and deciphering my long hand scrawl is a pain – typing up huge gaffs like ‘head hopping’ also need spotting at this stage and either a note left to self to rewrite or re write it then and there…though I try not to do that and I also only do a cursory spell check etc before it is added to Scrivener and then printed off – that is the bit I most like -seeing a manuscript start to appear – reading it on paper is when the major bloops really stand out and also when I stop feeling embarrassed about the thing as if it is now an entity in it’s own right – no pun intended – and I can rip it apart and revise it without feeling a ‘failure’ or that it is ‘a waste of time.’ !!
BT say they are due here on Friday morning – an actual person !!!!! – and that the phone and BB WILL be fixed – we can’t have our old number – by midnight Fri – I have to get our electrician to swap the lines over as Mum’s line comes into our sockets and my IT engineer may also have to come if the BB extender has been compromised that shunts the BB out to 27 – I am not letting self think that it will plug and play on Friday as then I won’t be disappointed – it has cost 100’s of £ to sort this out and doing stuff like VAT which is all on line now has been made impossible – it has been a real eye opener of an experience all around!
I was sooo lucky Gordon was able to get me this Iphone to at least give us some connection this last 4 weeks – I had no idea they would run a laptop BB as well as them selves – so that is a big HUG for him dragging me to the phone shop that morning as soon as we discovered what had happened.
Been playing with the the goal setting department on Parrelli Connect again – keeping it low key – system goal to be safe etc (!) and a custom goal to get Bud off the farm twice a week and extended the time on the working through the level 1 on line stuff. Everything here has ground to a halt the last month especially as we tried and failed to get at least my mum back in the house by the 2nd week of Oct. The fact is now at SOME point in the next four weeks that house will be liveable but I still have to paint the entire place from bare plaster up and do soft furniture and furniture etc – haven’t been setting my writing goals and daily word counts on my typing due to having to clear the table for meals now Mum is in 27 with me – I am doing web based promo and blogging and attending learning experiences when the BB allows but my whole ‘goal centric life’ has crashed.
I cannot set goals for the house because they are not mine to control and even with the horse goal I have just set I have to prioritise the needs of the workmen on the house and facilitate them getting in when they need to and despite them being very good I still need to be here at – there has been no stage in this whole project where I could be away from it actually which has been very tiring and hasn’t even guaranteed that jobs haven’t sometimes still had to be done again!
I had a second A4 note book to type Aug – Now which hasn’t been done for one of the Q series books – I have already moved the deadline on that – I would like to get it typed by new year but it needs undisturbed space to leave it out and me turning up to do it for several hours a day and head space to stay ‘with it’ when I am interrupted as bumping in and out of ‘story mode’ is actually painful. I have to be ready to stop everything and suddenly do something to get us back in the house – what ever it is and when ever an opportunity arises – that has to be priority but the horse goals and writing goals are not going to sit with that very well – horse goals will be weather bound as well – though that frees me to write.
IT may end up being house – write OR ride depending on weather. But from Bud’s POV that isn’t what he needs to be safe out and about…. hard one this am to think through. 🙂
It IS a bit lighter in the mornings which means working on my fitness by going for a run early when doing hay IS possible without be tripping over in the dark and that would help everything else – it just doesn’t appeal! I know once I get back into it I will get a buzz from it which will make motivation but right now the ‘taking action’ bit is evading me…
Obviously I am a Work In Progress on all fronts today! :0
I have no doubt that this will be so!
I suspect my Writing Week will consist of little more than endless rewrites of To Do lists and To Do To lists which obviously may involve wax and pins if we haven’t managed to get The House out of Recovery and it isn’t breathing on it’s own – or She Who Is Returning doesn’t have floor boards in her room still.
I am taking the cowards way out and writing this a head of time – despite my dislike of all things automated – because then I will be looking forward to the next week and getting back to work.
I am always optimistic – and I have seen a bean bag chair that will ‘just go’ in my new writing cell and may by the time this posts I will have recovered from the white paint ‘snow blindness’ I suspect I am about to be inflicted with.
Thought provoking week this week – been researching and setting up a practise ebook down load to exchange for starting an email list.
When I do this ‘for real’ it will likely be based about the fiction I am writing but just for a change I thought I would go for a non fiction – I researched on line and following the collective advice I chose a subject that people ask me about – how do I cope with change? Probably as badly as most other folk TBH but according to Guru’s, Mentors and Coaches, Course Providors collectively that doesn’t matter because it doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be Out There…
I have watched and read blogs and Pod casts, Periscopes and Blabs and free give away 54 Easy Steps To Get Your X Out There material all week.
I signed up for a lot of ‘Good Stuff’ and now I feel I was led by the key board into the back allies of Information and Knowledge as far from the highway of Education as I ever want to go….
Not a lot. I decided I didn’t want to set the thing up half researched and poorly formatted and that my experiences of change are just that – at best funny and worst painful – but egged on by all in sundry I was sorely tempted to stick it Out There, as proof what happens when you flock to other folk’s calls and don’t heed your own mind. I haven’t spent any money on this – that I haven’t had refunded.
Gang warily! There are solid folk Out There.
Stick to a subject you know or the work in hand and do your best to make the product worth having or you will be asked for money back and your News Letters will hit the Junk box.
This doesn’t help me at all with my own E Marketing that I will need at some point in the future but then by then I might have had another idea…
Was OK till I had to do the last call to the flock to come in… it was more sob than shout as they got up and ran towards me then they thinned out as usual into their flock order and started to trek up to the shed – that is a sight that will be forever etched in my mind.
But suddenly you are falling through your dreams immobilised by some thing or other you never saw moving and the ground is coming up to meet you?
Ask your self one question –
Today life gave me a good poke off a cliff and as I tore my nails off on the ever shifting ground I heard my self shouting –